mommyhood

La Dee Da.

Dear me.  So much to write about, so little time.

Let's review...

1. Tagged by my new friend, Amy, at rocketwife.com, for a Bucket List.  Look. I love being tagged. It's the same feeling as being PICKED FIRST for dodgeball teams in elementary school. I promise, I am working on my list.  I didn't realize I didn't have a Bucket List - and everyone should have at LEAST one.
2. Sweet Cousin Jazmine (note: family members who are reading this just choked on their coffee) has put in her request for a post All. About. Her.   Since she called me a DORK today, you can imagine that I just CAN'T WAIT to say nice things about her right here, for all the world to see.
3. Josh moved away from the farm.  Not sure if I am actually going to talk about that, or surprise everyone and keep my mouth shut for the first. time. ever.
4. Angela and Jeff started a blog of their very own.  It's become a VERY popular place for my family to have "discussions" in the comments section.  Everyone should enjoy getting to know my family even MORE than they already have here.
5. SB starts middle school in less than a week.  Have I mentioned that I might cry and scream and move to Montana to keep this from happening?
6. I made Blackberry Cobbler.  Of course, I didn't take any pictures as The Pionner Woman would have, however, it was gone in approximately 2.5 seconds, and YOU KNOW you want the recipe.
7. I have been doing crazy things like laundry and dishes lately.  I am not sure why.  Check the moon chart, please.  Am I about to turn into a werewolf?
8. I miss my sister.
9. Whole Foods.  (*it is only appropriate that I would talk about missing my sister and Whole Foods in the same two sentences)
10. I plan to change everyone's life here at the Farm within the next 48 hours.  There. That should generate a few emails from my mom.

Whheeww.  I have to get busy. 

In answer to this question:

"Wellllll, if all your FRIENDS jumped off a bridge, would you go with them?"

SB - WELL OF COURSE! DUH!

JLo - Hmmm.  It depends on if the bridge was really high or not.  And would it be water underneath the bridge or like, chocolate pudding?  Because, if it was chocolate pudding, then YES!  YES! I would definitely do it.

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Update:  SB survived her first week of 4H camp at famous ROOOOCCKKKK EAGLE!  She arrived home at approximately 12:30 today, looking about two feet taller than when she left.  And, I might mention, that by 4:00 PM, we were settled in the emergency room after she decided she would butcher an apple with the sharpest, biggest knife in the house.  Perhaps butchery wasn't a class at camp.  Three stitches, $150.00, and one dinner out later, we are finally at home. 

Heavy.

And so the questions become...

Do two WRONGS make a right?   Does one wrong and one right make it better?

What defines a WRONG as a WRONG?

Help.

Under the Silver Lining.

Our divorce has been virtually painless. 

When we go somewhere together, we're complimented on how well we "get along".... on what great "friends" we are.... and how "wonderful" it must be for the girls.    

Our relatives roll their eyes, aware of the years of struggle it took us to get where we "are."  And truthfully, even those years weren't too much of a "struggle." 

Of course, there were arguments.  There was more than one harsh word.  There was certainly more than one named called.  There were threats and tears and lots and lots of letting go.  We were both there, for a while, drowning in the misery of the "D" word, struggling to become ourselves again - reset our path, and move forward.  Quicksand.  Not. Going. To. Let. Him. (Her.) Win.  A sludgepool of Selfish.

And then, one day - one normal, regular, forgettable day, we surfaced on the other side.  The side where (most) of the storm clouds had passed - where the sun was just peeking over the clouds - where the grass was (mostly) green - and realized - at last - we were on the same path - right beside each other. We weren't holding hands - just aware of the other's presence... and for the first time, this seemed like enough.  I am not sure precisely when this happened.  But it did.  And suddenly, the fighting, the harsh words, the criticisms, the finger pointing - all seemed like a huge waste of time.

And so, here we are. On the other side of Divorce.  In the land where we both live happily ever after.

And people marvel and comment on "how good" it "must be" for the girls.

We don't talk about It.  The big pink elephant in the room.  That he couldn't stand me and I couldn't stand him for one possible minute longer so we signed papers and divided what little there was to divide, and walked away. 

And the two people left standing there were The GirlsWe don't talk about It.

We just - maybe I just - smile and nod in agreement about how grown up they are becoming - and how good at basketball She is and what a beautiful dancer She is - and yes They are so Smart with their Honor Roll ... I just smile.  Alot.

And in two weeks, he's getting married again.  To someone who doesn't know Them like I do. To someone who doesn't care or even know that She is a little insecure and needs him more than ever, and that She has his eyes.  To someone who will have her own Agenda.   

And so tonight, in the middle of our movie, when J leaned over on my shoulder and cried, I just hugged her. 

For a long time.

 

 

 

Sympathies.

Our small town has experienced tragedy.

So, for future reference, here are two great resources for words, when you need them the most, and can't seem to find the perfect ones.

Just a Note to Say, by Florence Isaacs, is full of lovely sentiments for every occasion - including grief and bereavement. 

She also wrote My Deepest Sympathies, which is entirely devoted to writing sympathy notes and thank you's.

Happier post to follow. Promise.