I hurt my toe. My big toe. I hurt it.
No. Seriously. I almost broke the entire thing off.
It happened on Saturday. When I was free and clear of children and other distractions and frankly have no possible excuse for opening the front door and falling all the way down my three steps. I just opened the door. And proceeded to throw myself downward.
I mean, fell all the way like, sprawled out onto the concrete when it was all over (oh yes, all SIX FEET OF ME) in a painful position, wailing. Nicole understands how embarrassing it is to fall when one is over the average height of 5'5''. It's just. Awkward. And. Terrible.
I wailed. Loudly.
My dad, who can't hear much, unless you are speaking Democrat or Hunting, saw me laying on the bottom of the steps and thought perhaps I was picking my feet or staring at a bug or some other interesting thing that requires you to be in the crouching fetal position.
But no. I was there. Looking at my big toe, which was bent almost entirely to the side.
Then, as all mothers with responsibilities do, I panicked. Because, I am not ABOUT to spend MY Saturday couped up in the ER to get my TOE x-rayed. So. I had a good idea. I decided to bend my toe back into position myself.
You can guess how well that went.
Hobble to Mom's house.
Why? I am not sure. In hopes of a miracle cure. There were none.
Except my dad.
Who told me I should just tape them together. And he found some tape. And taped my big, aching toe to it's neighbor, who was a bit disgruntled at having the weird kid taped to him.
And I wiped my tears.
And went back home.
Where I became even more pissed that I just fallen down the stairs and would now deal with a throbbing big toe all weekend. So I ripped the tape off. In anger.
You can guess how well that went, too.
And so, fast forward to today. When my toe is large and blue and painful.
And my mom? She's doling out the tylenol and ice packs and doing a lot of preaching. About how, this one time, when her ankle was broken, I told her that if she wanted the dog fed, she would have to learn to get up and do it by herself.
And I tried to kick myself for doing that to her. And now my toe hurts worse.